Almost 10 years ago, I was a guest on a podcast and shared that I’d found there is incredible power in being willing to be vulnerable in relationships.
Fast-forward to today and I believe in this just as strongly.
My willingness to be vulnerable has enabled me to develop truly authentic relationships with my spouse, family members, friends, and colleagues. In many ways, it has also led to my business success.
I consider “vulnerability” as exposing your heart to the opportunity for growth. That doesn’t mean you make decisions without intellect or data, but you seek out and actively listen to others and engage with your mind AND your heart. Embracing vulnerability in your communications opens the doors to greater understanding, learning, and growth.
Whether it’s a conversation with your colleague, customer, or loved one, this type of communication requires an intentional approach. Here are four steps to get it right:
1. Remove the technology.
Communicating through text and emails takes the emotion out of the conversation and increases the chance of miscommunication. Often, your intent is lost because your recipient isn’t able to see your tone or your emotion in what you’re saying. It’s also easy to misread tone and emotion based on the state you’re in when you read an email or text.
Whenever possible, choose face-to-face communication. Even a video or phone call is better than a text or email.
2. Get rid of judgments.
Assume that the person you’re talking to has good intentions. This means that we need to recognize that people are doing the best they can, given the circumstances that make up their life and the situation they’re in. This means focusing your mind and your heart to recognize that this person has something valuable to say and to listen and engage in a conversation rather than jumping to conclusions in your mind based on quickly perceived notions.
3. Be an engaged listener.
When you’re an engaged listener, you get a very different understanding of people. So often, people are just looking to be heard and to have their feelings known and acknowledged — take the time to be the person they can share with. Quiet the rest of the world around you to focus on what someone is saying and the meaning behind it. Honor them by showing up like they are the most important person you know. Think about what a gift that can be for any of us!
4. Speak from experience.
Being vulnerable means that we don’t have to have the answers. We don’t need to fix others. As part of Entrepreneurs’ Organization (EO), I enjoy training new members of forums, which are small peer support groups. We teach the concept of a Gestalt mindset. For EO, this means sharing your own experiences and what resonates with you rather than giving advice.
You have to be an engaged listener to do this with integrity. You have to be fully present, mentally and emotionally in order to listen to understand rather than listen to fix or reply.
You have to focus on listening to the words someone is saying and to the things that aren’t said, such as body language and emotion.
This gives you a better understanding so that you can draw on your past and share stories in a way that allows others to find their own answers.
When you think about it, this is much more powerful than “should” style advice. Telling someone what they “should” do implies you know better for them than they do. That doesn’t feel good to hear.
If you follow these steps to embrace and engage the people you communicate with, you’ll begin to develop more impactful relationships. You will also be more impactful in the lives of others. There’s beauty that exists by letting go and being vulnerable.
Always grateful,
Brian