Have you ever had a difficult conversation with an employee that went south right from the start?
You might have both known the reason for the conversation — they failed to follow guidance or missed the mark on a project. They may even fully acknowledge they messed up. But as soon as you begin speaking to them, things go awry.
Why were they so sensitive or resistant to your feedback?
What didn’t they get?
Chances are, the way you delivered that communication, based on your DiSC style, didn’t match their style. And therefore, it didn’t land well.
What we say and what others hear are seldom the same.
But when you understand your team member’s DiSC style, you can adapt and be more effective in communicating about expectations and performance.
Here are two steps I recommend when adapting your communication for tough conversations:
1. Measure performance issues against an employee’s DiSC style.
Most people hear the word “discipline” and think of being in trouble and, to some degree, emotional pain.
Growing up, I was a wrestler.
When we learned a new move, we also learned how to avoid being put in it. That’s because, in addition to potentially losing, it also hurts. Our coach used to say, “The best way to get out of that move is to not get in it.”
That’s similar to my philosophy on discipline. The work is in creating an environment where an employee can thrive so they won’t need to be disciplined. At best, they might need some calibration on their goals and responsibilities, which you can work on together.
To that effect, the DiSC model becomes hugely important. Knowing an employee’s DiSC style allows you to answer several questions:
- Are they motivated and fulfilled by the nature of their work?
- Do they clearly understand what is expected of them and how it is measured?
- Do they have the freedom or structure they need to thrive?
- Am I providing coaching and development tailored to them specifically?
- Are they aligned with our department and company vision?
- Do they have an effective way to provide honest and open feedback?
These are all important factors needed to drive clarity and commitment and avoid most discipline-related performance issues. The thing is, the answers to each of these questions will be different for each DiSC style. As a leader, you have to know how to account for that.
2. Adapt your communication style for improved outcomes.
Will there be discipline issues even when this structure is in place?
Yes. But fewer.
For the ones that occur, knowing a person’s DiSC style allows you to communicate more effectively and in a manner they will be more receptive to. The intent is to work together to improve growth and performance. Clear communication is the key.
When you’re aware of the style of the person you are talking to and actively consider it when prepping for the conversation, you can show up in a way that makes it easier to adhere to the intent of the conversation.
If that communication approach is a different style than your own, people often notice and appreciate that you took the time and energy to adapt for them. This builds trust and shows you’re there to help them grow.
Matthew Cosgrove is an Everything DiSC® Certified Practitioner, Bloom Growth Coach, and professional facilitator with a passion for building trust and effective communication across organizations. With expertise in business systems, education, and team development, he partners with mission-driven leaders to create sustainable growth and long-term success. With a light-hearted, approachable style, Matthew creates a safe environment where people feel comfortable engaging and learning, even when navigating complex challenges.